5. Pretend you're the host and talk to EVERYBODY
裝作主人的樣子跟所有人交談
This is a very cool paradigm to try out. Instead of standing in thecorner, sipping your drink and hoping somebody will come talk to you, take theinitiative and start talking with EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE. You can dothis if you pretend to be the host of the event. Start by looking out forpeople who are trying to act cool, but are desperately wishing that someonewould go talk to them. You know exactly who they are. Rescue them from theirworries and you'll see their face light up and thank you for approaching them.Work the crowd, ask how everyone's doing. They will all light up and respondfavorably. Get to know people and introduce people to other people. Most peopledon't have the guts to approach strangers, so when you do it for them, they'llbe extremely grateful.
這是個很酷的套路，值得一試。不要縮在角落里，啜著飲料，守株待兔地等人說話。要反客為主，開始和所有人談話，我是說和所有人。如果你裝著自己就是這次活動的主人，你就能做到這一點。開始四周環(huán)顧，去找那些努力裝得很酷、但卻很想別人能找其交談的人。你知道他們是正什么樣的人。把他們從窘境中解脫出來，你就會看到他們的臉上變得神采奕奕，他們很感激你能接近他們。在人群中四處活動，向每個人問長問短。他們都會變得神采奕奕的，而且會友好地回應(yīng)你。去認識人，然后把這些人介紹給那些人。大多數(shù)人沒有勇氣接觸生人，因此當(dāng)你為他們做這些后，他們會非常感激的。
Don't discriminate based on social groups. People are all the same.Talk to the skater, the artist, the economist, the stock broker, the lawyer,the doctor, the entrepreneur, the bartender, the guy standing in the corner,the waiter, everybody. Talk to everyone and make them feel welcome. You justneed to get the ball rolling. Once you start talking to one stranger and get inthe rhythm, you'll be an unstoppable social butterfly.
不要根據(jù)社會圈子做出區(qū)別對待。所有人都是等同的。溜冰健將、藝術(shù)家、經(jīng)濟學(xué)家、股票經(jīng)紀人、律師、醫(yī)生、企業(yè)家、站在角落里的家伙、服務(wù)生以及所有人，都同他們交談。和所有人說話，并讓他們感到賓至如歸。你需要做的只是讓事情開始運作起來。一旦你開始和生人說話，并能侃侃而談，你就會成為一只永不停歇的社交蝴蝶。
6. You, not I.
是你，而非我
Charming people focus on the other person. Rarely are theythemselves the topic of discussion. When you're out there schmoozing, listen topeople when they talk to you and give them feedback to indicate that you arelistening and that you understand. Be genuinely interested in the other person.Ask all about them. Always think of how you can help them. Send business theirway. Hook them up with other people at the party you think they might get alongwell with.
有魅力的人會關(guān)注他人。他們自己很少是討論的話題。若你在那兒看他們閑談，當(dāng)他們對你說話時，你要仔細聽，并作出回應(yīng)以表明你在正在聽而且明白他們的意思。要真誠地對他人感興趣。問有關(guān)他們的所有事情�？偸窍胫鯓硬拍軒退麄�。按照他們的方式行事。為他們和聚會上你認為合得來的其他人進行牽線搭橋。
7. Make them feel good
讓他們得意
Give people genuine compliments. Everybody needs compliments likefood and water because everybody's self esteem can always use a little boost.Don't go for the cliché compliments like everyoneelse. Remember, you're the charismatic one. You've got to step it up a notch.Think of a genuine killer compliment.
真誠地去恭維別人。恭維如同水和食物，每個人都需要，因為每個人的自尊總能獲得些許提高。不要向其他人那樣使用些陳詞濫調(diào)。要記住，你是個富有魅力的人。你必要要高人一等。要想出一個真正的有殺傷力的奉承話。
Also, don't forget to use the power of touch. A hormone calledoxytocin is secreted when you touch someone and studies have shown that promotesbond and trust between people. Oxytocin is also a feel good hormone so whenthey get hit with it, they associate that good feeling with you as well.Obviously, use your better judgment here. Don't go up and start molestingpeople. Be tactful with your touch. You will find that women are the masters ofthis. They will lightly tap your forearm when making a point or playfully hityour shoulder when engaged in conversation with you.
還有，別忘了觸摸的力量。當(dāng)你觸摸某人時，身體會分泌出一種叫做催產(chǎn)素的荷爾蒙，研究顯示這會增進人們之間的親和與信任。催產(chǎn)素也是一種能產(chǎn)生好感的荷爾蒙，所以當(dāng)別人分泌出催產(chǎn)素時，就會對你產(chǎn)生好感。顯然，對此你要做出更好的判斷，不要去騷擾別人，在觸摸時要機智老練一些。你會發(fā)現(xiàn)女人們精于此道，當(dāng)他們表明看法時會輕拍你的前臂，或者當(dāng)他們在與你交談時會開玩笑似的擊一下你的肩膀。
People tend to remember conversations with people who use the powerof touch. I remember going to one event and being charmed off the socks withthis one guy. He had it going. He was working the crowd, he saw me, introducedhimself, and started to ask all sorts of questions about me. I, in turn,shamelessly succumbed to his charm and divulged a lot of information and weboth had good laughs. You know why I remember him out of all the other people Iinteracted with that day? It's because he squeezed my arm when he shook myhand. No joke. That's how I remembered him. As the charming guy who squeezed myarm. Touch is a very powerful thing. Use it wisely.
人們往往會記住那些觸摸過他們的人的談話。我記得有一次去參加某個活動，就徹頭徹尾被這樣的一個家伙給征服得了。一切盡在他的掌握之中。他在人群中活動，看到我，就進行自我介紹，然后就問有關(guān)我的各種各樣的問題。而反過來，我卻被他的魅力所折服，扭捏不堪地傾倒出我的很多事情，我們都很暢快地笑著。在那天我同很多人接觸，但你知道為什么我卻唯獨記得他?這是因為當(dāng)他同我握手時，他捏住我的手臂。不是說笑。這就是我是如何記住他的——那個捏我手臂的魅力男。觸摸很好很強大，要活學(xué)活用。
8. Be positive.
正面積極
Smile. Charming people are known for making people feel way betterafter interacting with them. They have a light feathery touch to them thatbrings smiles and good feelings to everybody they come in contact with.
要笑。讓別人在與你交流之后感覺舒暢很多，這正是富有魅力的人的看家本事。他們還有一種輕如羽翼的質(zhì)感，那就是將微笑和良好感覺帶給同他們接觸過的所有人。
Talk about positive things. Avoid negative things. You'll always runinto people who turn a good conversation into a bad one by bringing up somenegativity. If that happens, try to tactfully point out the positive aspects ofthe situation. If that fails, excuse yourself from the group and move on.There's no need to be part of the down group.
談?wù)摲e極的事物。要避免消極的東西。你總會遇到這樣一些人：他們在交談時帶入一些消極因素，從而把一次愉快的談話變得尷尬不歡。如果碰到這種情況，試著巧妙地指出事情的積極方面。要是無法挽回，那就借故告退，另尋他處，因為沒必要成為這低級談話圈的一部分。
Get your stuff together, exercise, put on those nice clothes, get inthe habit of socializing with everyone, talk with everyone, really listen andkeep the focus on them, make them feel good, only associate yourself withpositive things and people, and you'll find yourself being that one personwho's always lighting up the room.
綜合運用上述技巧：運動、優(yōu)雅著裝、養(yǎng)成習(xí)慣與所有人交際、和所有人說話、真正地傾聽并關(guān)注他們、讓他們感覺良好、只在自己和積極的事物和人聯(lián)系在一起。這樣你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)自己正在成為那個總是讓廳堂熠熠生輝的人。
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